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Writer's pictureFrench Onion Soup

What Your Bangs Style Says About You

Updated: May 25, 2020



The best way to understand who you are is through analyzing your vapid, unimportant style choices. Here's some wild claims you should hold onto, based on nothing more than our gut feelings about how people wear their bangs.



The Blunt Fringe


This is the style of someone who is ashamed of their eyebrows. Maybe they're too high on your head and you're tired of people asking why you're always so surprised. Maybe you did so terrible a job of shaping them that they aren't sisters, they're more like distant third cousins. No matter the tragic origin story of your brows, these bangs will cover those bad boys up!




The Classic Side Sweep


Your first thought was probably, "this will look fashionable." Subconsciously, you were drawn to the subtle angst that this style provides. Yes, at first glance people will assume that you give at least a rat's bum about your appearance. But if people stay a bit distant from you, it's because your bangs tell them that you listen to Avril Lavigne and wear too much mascara so people know when you're crying.




The Calculated Loose Waves


If you have these bangs, then you're also the kind of person who spends 30 minutes recreating the perfect "I just woke up" selfie, complete with enough makeup that makes you look like you're not wearing makeup. You are a fraud and should reconsider your lifestyle. You also probably wish you had a "meaningful" name, like Harmony or Destiny.






The Non-Binary Fringe


These close-to-the-hairline bangs either mean that you are rejecting the gender constructs of society and want to rock the same close cropped, cow-lick style that every "cool" 12-year-old boy has, or you were being ambitious one day and made an ill-fated decision to cut your own bangs and, like most things in your life, you took it too far.




The "Aurora" Bangs


So you saw the weirdo Norwegian child singer and thought, "she seems cutting edge!" And then in an attempt to grasp on to the relevancy that has been dwindling since you were 22, you decided to try on her exotic and terrible hairstyle. And even though you know everyone hates it, you feel slightly empowered by their disgust and that will cause you to never move on from this horrid mistake.




The "Dwight Scrute"


Nothing says confidence like a middle part, especially if that part is dividing unevenly cut bangs. If you are drawn to this style, you probably have a secret love of beets, are socially inept, and try to intimidate anyone who looks at you twice. But everyone will look at you twice, because these are terrible bangs that no one should be wearing.





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